Tag: fiction

  • Hidden Beauty

    I used to think I traveled to see beautiful places.

    Now I think I travel to understand how beautiful places stay beautiful.

    This morning, as I walked to coffee, I noticed that many people on my street were dressed for a funeral.

    I’ve participated in a few funerals here now. They are true celebrations of life, and everyone participates. They are not hushed affairs tucked behind closed doors. Children wander through. Scooters slow down. People smile. Life and death somehow occupy the same street without competing for space.  

    Then I saw the priest.

    He was extraordinary. Like central casting had been handed one simple instruction: Give me a Balinese priest.

    The most beautiful elderly man, with a flowing white beard and long white hair, dressed in robes so impossibly white they seemed to gather the morning light around them. A smile that lit up the entire street and sky and all of our hearts. A beautifully carved wooden cane covered in intricate engravings. I mean…just…wow.

    I didn’t dare take a photograph because it simply did not feel respectful. Later Ring laughed and told me I absolutely could have taken one, but honestly, I was content just to witness him.

    At exactly the same moment, literally twenty feet away, these boys were fixing the electricity.

    Boys pulling electrical wires in Bali

    I have become completely fascinated by the infrastructure here.

    It isn’t polished or hidden underground where nobody has to think about it. It lives right out in the open where everyone can see it. The electrical wires seem to have a relationship with gravity that is…negotiable. They’re tossed high into the trees. The ladder appeared to be assembled from PVC pipe, duct tape, optimism, and accumulated wisdom.  Also, kind of brilliant because it is easily carried from place to place. Sometimes a zip tie seems to be carrying an unreasonable amount of responsibility. 

    Somehow, it all just works. 

    I also know there are moments when it doesn’t work and everyone simply waits. Nobody stomps around demanding answers. Nobody immediately starts looking for someone to blame. We wait. Someone fixes it. The lights flicker back on and machines go whiirrrr. 

    “Yay, electricity!”

    I’ve started wondering if what I’m looking at isn’t actually electrical infrastructure at all.  I think it is actually human infrastructure.  Plain and simple. 

    For weeks now our neighborhood has been building a small road that connects one road to another. I’ve been watching the whole thing unfold one wheelbarrow at a time. First came the digging so the water would drain properly. Then sand. Then glorious rebar, which anyone who knows me understands is practically a love language. Yesterday, between rainstorms, they poured concrete. Today the entire road is covered with plastic sheeting while it cures beneath a brilliant Balinese sun.

    Road construction in Bali neighborhood

    Every day a different group from the neighborhood shows up and every day they all participate together to make this road just a little more road. 

    If Ring is the heart of this family, Bonny may very well be the engine quietly humming underneath it all.

    She designs beautiful clothing. She’s raising children. She’s building an atelier at the front of their compound. And she has her own taro chip business.

    Three flavors.

    Delicious.

    Nakedjen helping with taro chips

    On Monday, after the beach, she asked me to help.

    Within about five minutes I found myself transported back to my early Clyde’s Cookies days because once you’ve spent years helping small businesses grow, your brain starts seeing possibility everywhere.

    Bonny has managed to get these chips to the point where they are quite popular in her village. People ask for them. They’re served at local events. But after helping her on Monday, I couldn’t stop wondering why they weren’t everywhere.

    This afternoon I wandered into one of Ubud’s biggest souvenir markets carrying Bonny’s taro chips and quite innocently asked where I might find more.

    They didn’t carry any. Not Bonny’s, but not any at all. That seemed odd because Taro Chips are actually a snack time favorite here.  Especially among kids.  The local version sold at the Indomart has a silly Monkey on the package that is also, of course, available as a stuffed animal! 

    BONBON TARO CHIPS
    BONBON TARO CHIPS made in Bali, Indonesia

    The manager and several employees after realizing I was serious about my inquiry were soon opening bags, tasting chips, asking questions, photographing the packaging on their phones while I insisted, perhaps a bit enthusiastically, that they call Bonny directly.

    Not next week. Today. Right now.  Get these chips while you can, people.  Before she makes a deal with Indomart! 

    I made them write down her phone number. I made them take photos of the packaging because everyone here does everything on their phones. I explained that these didn’t just belong in the souvenir section. They belonged in the chip aisle. Why would you fill your shelves with Lay’s when you could be supporting a woman who lives twenty minutes away?

    Here’s the thing I want to whisper into today’s full moon magic: If Bonny sells more chips, she doesn’t simply sell more chips. She hires the aunties in the village who are asking for work. One business becomes several women earning an income. One opportunity becomes many.

    That’s infrastructure too.

    The kind you can’t see from Google Earth.  

    I’ve become the Pied Piper of taro chips this week. I’ve handed them to aunties. To children at my coffee shop. To desk managers at resorts. To strangers. I’m fairly certain I’m now conducting an unsolicited international marketing campaign one crispy slice of taro at a time.

    But really…

    How else is something beautiful ever supposed to travel beyond the edge of the village?

    Everything Happens To Everyone

    Earlier today I sat drinking my coffee and the wall on the gallery just across the way had these enormous letters painted across the front.

    EVERYTHING HAPPENS TO EVERYONE.

    I’ve been thinking about that sentence all day.

    Everything does happen to everyone.

    Death. Broken electrical lines. Roads washed out by rain. Businesses trying to grow. Children needing shoes. People looking for work. Joy. Grief. Opportunity. Everything. No, really.  EVERYTHING. 

    The difference, I think, is the infrastructure.

    Not the electrical kind. Or the rebar and steel. 
    The human kind. The people who quietly keep showing up.

    The priest. The boys with the ladder made of PVC and hope. The neighbors carrying buckets of concrete. Bonny. The aunties waiting for work.

    The people who keep beautiful places beautiful.

    I woke up this morning and also booked a flight from Salt Lake City to Jackson, Mississippi. I’ll barely land in Utah, collapse on top of my professor and Clyde and hug both of them fiercely and then I’ll be back on another airplane.

    Different roads. Different people. Different work.

    The details will change. The question won’t.

    Who is quietly holding this place together?

    I’ve started looking for them everywhere.

    The full moon was starting to rise as I walked to get my beet juice this evening and I passed the same boys who had fixed the electrical wires and the aunties I’d stood beside this morning at the funeral. They asked where I was from. 

    “America.”

    They erupted into laughter, dancing in the road, chanting, “O Bam Ma! O Bam Ma!” before proudly pointing to themselves. “He’s ours!”

    I laughed all the way down the road.

    After a day spent thinking about death, infrastructure, and what it means to show up for another human being, it felt like the island had slipped one final gift into my pocket.

    My heart could not help but swell.

  • A Day of Hope: 118 Laughs, Tears, and New Citizens

    Today, 118 people put on the word AMERICAN for the first time, on purpose, in a room with vaulted wood beams and white fabric draped across the ceiling like something built for a wedding, not a government ceremony. Light came in sideways through all those big windows. Little American flags in every hand. When it was finally official, the whole room stood up and waved them at once — flags going up in every direction, people crying, people laughing, phones out trying to catch it. I don’t think a single person in that room will forget what that looked like. I know that I certainly will not. It was such a gift.

    From 38 countries:

    Argentina. Bangladesh. Bolivia. Brazil. Canada. Chile. China. Colombia. Dominican Republic. Ecuador. Egypt. El Salvador. France. Guatemala. Honduras. India. Indonesia. Ireland. Italy. South Korea. Marshall Islands. Mexico. Nepal. Netherlands. New Zealand. Nicaragua. Panama. Peru. Philippines. Portugal. Samoa. South Africa. Taiwan. Thailand. Trinidad. Ukraine. Uruguay. Vietnam.


    Thirty-eight countries. One room. One oath.


    In the afterglow, many of them stood up and just talked — about coming as a child and seeing the Wasatch and how important those mountains still feel, about being a Nanny first and then a mother and wanting, knowing, there was a better life here, the international students who praised the higher education they received and then knowing that opportunity resides in America, the years it took to get to this exact folding chair. Then they promised, out loud, to show up now. Vote. Volunteer. Pay attention. Some of them registered to vote before they even left the building.


    I used to teach citizenship classes in a tiny room in Santa Cruz, mostly to farmworkers who picked strawberries and artichokes and brussel sprouts all day and still showed up at night to memorize the preamble. I have never seen determination like that. Today I saw it again, times 118.


    As I walked Clyde this morning, before the ceremony, the New York Times reported that ICE is quietly deporting people right here in Utah, and that immigrants and refugees in this state are too scared to go grocery shopping. Both of these things are real, in the same country, on the same Tuesday. Nobody should be afraid of the cereal aisle.


    America was never one face, one accent, one flag on one lawn. Almost none of us can point at a map and say right here, forever. We’re all from somewhere. Today 118 people made it official, in public, on purpose, and I got to stand in the room and love every single one of them.


    Thank you, Deborah Fiona Eyer, for the invite. As always, you know how to make the shape of my heart change.


    Out in the parking lot after, I passed a woman still holding her certificate. She looked overwhelmed, in the good way. I stopped and said, “I’m so proud of you. Thank you for choosing America.” And she came apart, right there. So I hugged her. Hard. The kind that doesn’t let go first.


    Love is a verb. Today it looked like a parking lot hug and a hundred and eighteen little flags going up at once. I’m so glad I could participate. 💜

  • Her Name Was Renee Nicole Good

    Her Name Was Renee Nicole Good

    This Did Not Have to Happen

    (and this is where I am placing my attention today)

    Her name was Renee Nicole Good.

    She was a prize-winning poet.
    A legal observer.
    A woman who spent her life taking care of other people.

    Yesterday, she was killed while doing exactly that.

    She was not armed.
    She was not threatening anyone.
    She was not looking for a fight.

    She was there to witness. To observe. To make sure that what was happening was seen and recorded and not erased. She was doing the quiet work that keeps the rest of us honest. The kind of work that rarely gets thanked and too often gets punished.

    This did not have to happen.

    I can’t stop thinking about how familiar she feels to me. A good life, but a hard one. A person who stayed tender in a world that rewards armor. Someone who showed up, again and again, even when it cost her something. Especially when it cost her something.

    We are living in a time when violence feels ambient. Like weather. Like background noise. It seeps into places that are supposed to be safe. Churches. Schools. Sidewalks. Courtrooms. Places of worship. Places of care.

    And our nervous systems are wrecked by it.

    If you feel jumpy, exhausted, angry, numb, or scared, you are not broken. You are responding appropriately to a world that keeps asking us to metabolize the unbearable and then move on as if nothing happened.

    What makes this loss so heavy is not just that Renee is gone. It’s that we’ve been taught to accept this as normal. To respond with sorrow but not with change. To call it a tragedy instead of naming it for what it is: the foreseeable result of choices we keep making.

    This is not about politics.
    It’s about how we value human life.

    It’s about whether we are willing to protect the people who show up with notebooks instead of weapons. Whether we believe that witnessing, caregiving, and accountability deserve safety. Whether we are brave enough to say, out loud, that this way of living is not okay.

    Renee was not reckless.
    She was not naïve.
    She was not trying to be a symbol.

    She was doing her job.
    She was doing her calling.
    And she should be alive today.

    So here is my very human, very non-partisan ask:

    Slow down.
    Pay attention.
    Refuse to normalize what is breaking us.

    Talk to your people.
    Check on your neighbors.
    Support the caregivers, the observers, the poets, the ones who show up with open hands instead of clenched fists. Choose de-escalation when you can. Choose care when it’s available. Choose to notice.

    This is where my Love Is Still Beating practice comes in.

    Every day, I’m committing to naming ten real, verifiable good things that happened in the last 24 hours. Not to deny the grief. Not to look away from the fire. But to remember that love is still moving through us, even now. Especially now.

    Today, one of those ten is this:
    People like Renee exist.
    And they matter.

    Say her name.
    Honor her life by refusing to accept her death as inevitable.
    Let your heart stay open, even when it hurts.

    This did not have to happen.
    And we are allowed to demand a world where it doesn’t keep happening.

    **********

    Here’s what you can do, today:

    Pause before you scroll.
    Check on someone you love.
    Offer steadiness instead of outrage.
    Support people who choose care over force.
    Pay attention to what keeps your heart open.

    This is how we push back against a culture of violence.
    One regulated nervous system at a time.

  • 💜 Purple Alert: Why I Still Search for August

    💜 Purple Alert: Why I Still Search for August

    People keep asking me why I’m still searching for August.

    Here’s the truest answer I have:
    Because I can. And because I hope you would, too.

    Because if your heart beat just a little louder —
    if you heard a tremor in the universe,
    a missing pulse,
    a soft human who hasn’t come home —
    I like to believe you’d go looking.

    Even if you didn’t know him.
    Even if he was 29, grown, and complicated.
    Even if the world insists adulthood equals safety.
    (Trust me, it doesn’t.)

    Sometimes a brain goes haywire.
    Sometimes it lights itself on fire.
    Sometimes a person walks away naked into the snow
    and doesn’t even know they’re gone.

    I know this because once — I was the one who wandered.


    New Year’s Eve, 2008

    (which was technically still 2007 because time is a suggestion)

    I had just moved to Salt Lake City.
    A blizzard.
    No friends yet.
    Just two black labradors — Buddha and Stella —
    who carried my heart on eight paws like it was their holy job.

    I don’t remember the seizures.
    I only remember becoming conscious in the snow.
    Naked. Disoriented. Freezing. Alone.

    Not metaphorically.
    Actually and literally wandering the city,
    no memory of how I got there,
    no idea where “home” even was.

    I saw the glow of a Smith’s supermarket.
    Closed. Empty.
    But a payphone in the vestibule leaked just enough light
    to feel like a lifeline.

    I remembered one number.
    Collect.
    My mother.

    “Mom… I’m naked and cold and I don’t know where I am.”
    “Jennifer, you’re in Utah.”
    “Why would I do THAT?”

    She called emergency services from Maryland.
    She told them where to find her daughter
    wandering state-newborn and soaked in snow.
    They found me.
    They wrapped me in blankets.
    They got me home.

    And when we arrived?
    Every single light in my house was on.
    Front door wide open.
    Two dogs sitting guard — waiting.
    Holding vigil over whatever was left of me.

    If I hadn’t found that payphone,
    if I hadn’t seen those lights,
    if Buddha and Stella hadn’t anchored me to this world,
    if — if — if —

    I could have disappeared.
    Forever.
    Just like that.

    No alert. No network.
    No hey Utah, one of us is missing — go look.

    That is my WHY.

    That is why I search for August.
    Because someone should.
    Because his mother deserves not to wonder.
    Because he deserves to be alive and found if he wants to be.

    Because there is a world where that night was me
    and nobody knew to sound an alarm.


    Utah doesn’t have a PURPLE ALERT.

    But it should.
    Every state should.
    A Purple Alert for adults who wander,
    who are neurodivergent or vulnerable or lost in the fog of a burning brain.
    Not a punishment.
    Not a trap.
    Not a “gotcha.”

    Just a net.
    A community rally.
    A lifeline in the snow.

    It is not a miracle.
    But it could save one life.
    And that is enough.

    I have systems now.
    Layers.
    If I go missing again — alarms will go off.
    Texts will fly.
    People will look.

    Not everyone has that.

    August doesn’t have that.

    He is missing.
    Still.
    And I’m not ready to stop searching.

    If you’re reading this, you don’t have to know August to care.
    You just have to remember something simple:

    There was a night I could have been the one you were searching for.

    And every mother deserves to sleep knowing
    that if her child wanders naked into the snow —
    a city will rise like hands to catch them.

    💜 Utah deserves a PURPLE ALERT.
    💜 August deserves to be found.
    💜 And any one of us could be next.

    If this moved you — share it.
    Talk about Purple Alerts.
    Help me make noise.

    We’re still looking for August.
    Let’s not stop.

  • This is not the end of the story…

    Today I hiked in the sunshine with Clyde.

    It was a Tuesday — just a regular Tuesday — and we walked into the foothills the way we always do. Clyde investigated every sagebrush like he was conducting a scholarly examination of the state of the world. I let the sun warm my face and tried to remember that my body is real, and here, and mine. Two feet on the ground,

    While we were climbing, my phone pinged — an email from NBC telling me all about Bravocon in Las Vegas. All the Bravolebrities. The VIP lounges. The velvet ropes. The Important Lanyards. The whole spectacle.

    And I laughed.
    Because there was a time (blogger years are geological time) when I went to events just like that — shipped home boxes of absurd SWAG because it was too much to carry — and once rode an escalator completely naked:

    Down.
    Walked around.
    Back up.

    A perfect loop.
    A Tuesday.

    I texted my friend Lydia — who works for NBC — and asked her why we were not attending Bravocon, because obviously we would be trouble with a capital T and a glitter cannon.

    She laughed.
    She agreed.
    And I also reminded her — gently — that what I truly want is to be Snoop Dogg’s sidekick for the WINTER OLYMPICS in Italy in 2026.

    And the best part?

    Lydia could actually make that happen. Ratings Bonanza! xo

    This is what I mean when I say: life is bizarre and beautiful when you don’t pretend to be smaller than you are.

    After the hike, Clyde and I ran into Joesephine (hello, Love Beets) and through the ancient art of neighborhood witchcraft, we managed to skip the entire line at Coffee Garden and both got our coffees exactly the way we like them. No fuss. No apology. Just a little everyday magic.

    Joesephine looked at me — the real kind of looking — and said:

    “If you’re applying for jobs, only apply for dream jobs. Don’t shrink. Don’t back up. Don’t forget who you are.”

    And here is the part I have been circling around:

    I’m no longer at SLC Qi.
    The ending was sudden.
    I didn’t get to say goodbye.

    There’s sadness there.
    I spent years welcoming people, holding them, tending a community like a flame cupped in two hands.
    To leave without closure feels like walking out of a story mid-sentence.

    But this is not a story about loss.

    This is a story about return.
    To myself.
    To spaciousness.
    To possibility.
    To mischief.
    To joy.
    To Tuesdays that begin in the mountains and end with delicious espresso magic and olympic-level daydreams.

    This is the part where I remember:

    I have a lot to offer the world.
    And I am now available.

    So if you’re looking for:

    A storyteller.
    A community builder.
    A joy conspirator.
    A dog-led pilgrim.
    A woman who knows how to hold grief and glitter in the same hand—

    I’m here.

    Not under a bridge.
    Not disappearing.
    Not diminished.

    Just in the doorway, barefoot, grinning, hair a little wild, absolutely ready.

    The world cracked open a little this week.
    I felt the draft.
    I stepped toward it.

    So stay with me.

    We’re packing snacks.
    I’m even making sandwiches.
    Clyde is doing important sniff-based reconnaissance.
    The universe is already rearranging furniture.

    Italy just might be calling.
    Snoop Dogg is warming up.
    The glitter is unbottled.
    The mischief is humming.

    Let’s fucking go.