Tag: Grief

  • Magic Bubble

    The theme today is magic, which is convenient, because I have a magic Honda.

    Or had one.

    Have one.

    Fuck.

    I don’t actually know which tense to use yet.

    Her name is Wanda, she is a 2003 Honda Element, green more or less beneath twenty-three years of road dirt and political opinions and Grateful Dead stickers and playa dust and whatever else has permanently attached itself to her body, and at this point she is held together by playa dust, virtue, and my own heart.

    Literally.

    Wanda is a car.

    I feel like I need to establish that immediately, perhaps mostly for myself.

    Metal and glass and rubber, four tires, an engine, a peculiar square little body that looks as though somebody at Honda took legos and designed a toaster and, somewhere late in the process, realized it would be infinitely better if dogs could live inside it.

    I know Wanda is a car.

    It isn’t helping.

    I whispered her into existence.

    I mean that literally.

    I was standing in a dog park in Santa Cruz, a dog park I happened to be fighting for tooth and nail at the time, which feels completely appropriate in retrospect, since apparently even my automobile origin stories require some form of civic disobedience, and I was there with Buddha and Stella when I simply said out loud to nobody in particular that I needed a new car for the dogs.

    That was the whole shopping process.

    No spreadsheet, no financing calculator, no weekends spent walking through dealerships while some twenty-six-year-old man in a polo shirt tried to explain torque to me as though I had wandered onto the asphalt accidentally and might need assistance finding my way home.

    I said what I needed.

    A man named Kevin heard me.

    Kevin was a gentle man.

    Not a gentleman.

    A gentle man.

    There is a difference, and Kevin, who is no longer with us, understood something that I have come to believe matters enormously in this life, which is that sometimes a human being says something they need out loud and the most useful thing another human being can do is simply listen.

    He looked at me and said, “Nakedjen, you need to talk to my friend. He has an Element he has to get rid of or his wife is going to divorce him.”

    Twenty-four hours later I had Wanda.

    That was it.

    Somebody desperately needed this ridiculous square Honda out of his life; I desperately needed a vehicle that would hold Buddha and Stella; the universe, for once, appeared to be running an extraordinarily efficient inventory system.

    The back of a vehicle covered in various bumper stickers, including one that reads 'My vacation is your worst nightmare' and several others promoting places and organizations like 'Santa Cruz', 'Trinity Alumni', and dog-related stickers.

    I paid almost nothing for her.

    A song.

    Less than a song.

    Maybe a chorus.

    The strange part is that I could probably sell Wanda today for more than I paid for her all those years ago, which is funny until you think about groceries and housing and insurance and fuel and automobile repairs and the increasingly absurd amount of money required simply to keep an ordinary human life moving forward in America.

    Eventually anyone who owns something old reaches the same miserable little piece of arithmetic: how much money do I continue pouring into the thing I already own before I am forced to find considerably more money to replace it?

    Repair it, replace it, finance something else, keep driving it until a piece literally falls onto the pavement.

    Wanda has reached that equation.

    But Wanda was never really an equation.

    She plays CDs. And only CDs.

    She is old enough to remember when music was something you carried with you, something you held in your hand and chose deliberately and slid into a machine because those were the songs you wanted on this road, in this weather, during this particular version of your life.

    I made CDs for Wanda.

    Not playlists.

    CDs.

    I wrote names on them and chose songs for particular roads and particular summers and particular departures, and the Oregon Country Fair absolutely required its own music because there are some things in life for which Spotify’s algorithms should simply not be trusted.

    There were CDs for driving north and CDs for coming home and CDs for the kind of road where you knew that eventually there would be a river, the dogs would get wet, the windows would come down and absolutely nobody would care what time it was.

    Wanda has seen Oregon.

    All of it, it feels like.

    Roads folding through trees, hot springs, rivers, Buddha and Stella shaking water everywhere, the windows open, the whole car smelling like wet Labrador and whatever we happened to be eating while Bob Weir and the Grateful Dead played through speakers that were never particularly impressive but somehow sounded exactly right.

    Always the Dead.

    Wanda wears them too, those stickers layered across her body beside all the political ones, little declarations of allegiance slowly fading in the Utah sun. Little Salty and I call those stickers: character.

    There are songs I cannot hear without seeing her dashboard, just as there are roads I cannot remember without hearing the songs that played while we traveled them, because eventually the music gets inside the road, the road gets inside the car, the car gets inside the life, and somebody comes along years later and says it is just an old Honda Element.

    Fine.

    Put on the Oregon Country Fair CD.

    Tell me that again.

    When I left California for Utah, I put my life inside Wanda, and I don’t mean that in some grand poetic way.

    I mean my actual life.

    I made a CD for that drive too, because apparently I have always believed that if you are going to leave one life in the rearview mirror and point yourself toward another one you cannot yet see, you should at least choose the music yourself, so I picked the songs for California disappearing behind me and Utah waiting somewhere ahead with whatever it intended to become, songs for Buddha and Stella and me crossing from the known into the completely fucking unknown without having any idea yet which parts of us would survive the crossing unchanged.

    Buddha, Stella, me, everything I could carry from the world I was leaving into the one I had decided to enter, stuffed into every possible corner of that little square vehicle until there was nothing left to do but point ourselves toward Utah and go.

    Somewhere along the way we drove into an El Niño storm that had absolutely no business letting us through.

    The snow was insane, the wind was worse, there were stretches of highway where I could no longer tell where the road ended and the rest of the world began, and I remember both hands on the steering wheel with Buddha and Stella behind me, California disappearing somewhere back there, Utah theoretically waiting ahead, everything I still considered my life packed into this Honda Element while I understood with complete certainty that we were going to die.

    I don’t mean I worried we might die.

    I knew.

    There is a particular kind of silence that happens when fear moves past speculation and becomes certainty, when there is nothing left to negotiate with except the steering wheel in your hands and whatever god or universe or mechanical engineering might still be listening.

    I may have prayed. I probably said please. Knowing me, I absolutely said fuck. A lot.

    Wanda kept moving through the wind and snow and whatever the fuck that night was, carrying the three of us and everything we had decided mattered enough to bring along, until somehow we arrived safely in Utah. I’m not sure how.

    There were other storms after that, too many to bother naming, other roads where I had no business driving and other nights when I wrapped both hands around that steering wheel and asked the universe for another favor, but somewhere very early in our life together I stopped wondering whether Wanda would get me home.

    She always did.

    There was a magic bubble around that car.

    I know how that sounds.

    I don’t care.

    From the moment I got her I felt protected inside her, and eventually something happened that I love a whole lot more.

    The magic bubble got bigger.

    It stopped belonging only to me.

    A woman wearing a pink hat and tank top is organizing items in the back of a parked vehicle. The vehicle contains various supplies, including a cooler, a blanket, and cleaning tools, in a dusty outdoor setting.

    A Honda Element is, in my entirely unbiased opinion, the finest dog transport vehicle ever created by human beings, and I will hear no opposing arguments at this time, but it is also an astonishing little service machine because the seats move, the doors open wide, practically anything can be stuffed inside and, before you know it, you have stopped thinking of the car as transportation and begun thinking of it as a way to get something useful from where it is to where it needs to be.

    Food rescue became one of Wanda’s great callings.

    Restaurants, stores, events, anywhere there was too much food in one place while somebody somewhere else did not have enough, we loaded boxes and bags and trays and produce and bread and whatever could become dinner instead of garbage into Wanda and carried it to community refrigerators or directly to our unhoused neighbors.

    I made music for that too, because feeding people in winter has its own rhythm, loading Wanda until the back disappeared beneath food and blankets while some song I had deliberately chosen played through those old speakers, driving through a sleeping city with coffee in the cup holder and whatever we had managed to rescue behind me, the music keeping company with the work because sometimes service is solemn and sometimes it is joyful and mostly it is simply what you do next.

    Winter mattered most.

    When the temperature dropped and the city seemed to disappear behind locked doors and heated windows, Wanda carried coffee and food and blankets and socks and whatever somebody might need tonight, not after a meeting, not eventually, not theoretically.

    Tonight.

    Sometimes the thing a person needed was Wanda herself.

    I have let unhoused people sleep inside her.

    For twenty-three years I have never locked Wanda’s doors.

    Never.

    People occasionally hear this and look at me as though I have just announced that I keep my Social Security number taped to the windshield, but I trusted Wanda, I trusted people, and I trusted the magic bubble enough to keep a black and yellow bin inside filled with snacks and useful things anyone could take if they needed them.

    I had one rule, written on a note.

    Please do not make a mess.

    That was it.

    Not KEEP OUT.

    Not PRIVATE PROPERTY.

    Not DO NOT TOUCH.

    Please do not make a mess.

    There are entire political philosophies considerably more complicated than that which have accomplished less.

    Somebody hungry, cold, tired, stranded or needing somewhere safe for a little while could find something inside that ridiculous old Honda, and sometimes Wanda’s service meant driving somewhere while other times it simply meant staying exactly where she was with the doors unlocked.

    She made room.

    That was what Wanda did.

    She made room.

    Burning Man simply made that more visible.

    Of course Wanda went to Burning Man.

    Eventually she became the official vehicle of the Love Beets, which was never formally decided and certainly never voted upon; it simply became true in the way certain things become true after enough years.

    Wanda is known on the playa.

    I realize that sounds ridiculous.

    She is.

    There was music for this work too, a CD made specifically for taking care of the artists, because if Wanda was going to cross the playa carrying coffee and electrolytes and cupcakes and grilled cheese and whatever else might make somebody building impossible beauty in impossible heat feel cared for, then obviously she also needed the right fucking soundtrack.

    There is another CD in Wanda right now whose only job is arrival.

    Not Reno.

    Not the highway.

    Not Gerlach.

    Arrival.

    The moment the playa opens in front of us and Black Rock City stops being somewhere we are going and becomes the place we have reached, that CD goes in, because some thresholds deserve their own music and this one always did.

    Artists see her coming.

    People working in the heat look up and recognize that square, dust-covered Honda moving toward them and know there is a reasonably good chance something useful, delicious, cold, hot or ridiculous is about to arrive.

    Electrolytes.

    Hot coffee.

    Cupcakes.

    Ice cream cones.

    Grilled cheese, art-side.

    You could be somewhere in the middle of a desert working for hours on something enormous and absurd and beautiful, exhausted and covered in dust, look up and see Wanda coming across the playa and understand:

    Good things are on the way.

    That may be the purest definition of what I ever wanted Wanda to be.

    Good things are on the way.

    Open the doors, feed somebody, give them water, pour coffee, put on music, figure out what they need, make room.

    One night there was a wounded Army veteran who wanted to see the art but used a wheelchair, and the playa is not exactly famous for being uncomplicated when you are traveling by wheelchair.

    The chair fit inside Wanda.

    He fit inside Wanda.

    We fit inside Wanda.

    So we went.

    I drove him out across the playa at sunset into that impossible temporary city glowing in the darkness and gave him a private tour of the art, and I remember being extraordinarily happy, not because I was helping someone, since that kind of happiness can become a little too pleased with itself, but because for one particular moment in one particular desert I happened to possess exactly what another human being needed.

    Not money.

    Not wisdom.

    Not influence.

    A fucking Honda Element.

    The chair fit.

    So we went.

    There are nights in a life whose value cannot be calculated.

    That was one.

    A green SUV parked on a dusty landscape with a bicycle strapped on the roof, set against a sunset backdrop.

    Wanda was never really an equation.

    Buddha rode in Wanda.

    Stella rode in Wanda.

    Later, Clyde.

    Dogs have slept in that car and waited in that car and stared at me from that car with the specific expression dogs reserve for humans who have stopped somewhere entirely unnecessarily, and after enough years the interior began storing something stranger than dog hair or paw prints.

    There are places inside Wanda where I can still see Buddha.

    Not hair.

    Not a scratch in the upholstery.

    Buddha.

    There are places where I can still see Stella.

    That is different.

    This is where writing an obituary for a car becomes very fucking inconvenient, because apparently I am no longer talking about a car.

    I am talking about who was alive inside it.

    Buddha is gone.

    Stella is gone.

    Kevin is gone.

    Wanda carried things I cannot put back inside her: Buddha and Stella and Kevin, California before I left it, entire summers, certain rivers, people I used to know, versions of myself I cannot return to, all of it somehow having traveled inside those four doors even though there are no straps for those things, no cargo hooks, no clever Honda seat configuration capable of folding memory neatly into place.

    Wanda witnessed my life.

    Maybe that is what I have been trying to say.

    She knew me before Utah and before so much else, when Buddha was alive and Stella was alive and Kevin was still standing in a Santa Cruz dog park, when I could put an Oregon Country Fair CD into the stereo, point the car north and believe without even thinking about it that there would always be another river.

    She carried versions of me I cannot go back and retrieve.

    Maybe that is what an old object becomes after enough years, not sentimental exactly, but a witness, a storage unit for places and creatures and versions of ourselves that technically no longer exist except that somehow we can still see them when we open a door.

    This morning I went outside and found another piece of Wanda lying on the ground.

    The college kids had been careless in their reverie the night before and an orange road block had been knocked hard enough into the front passenger side of Wanda to break a piece near the windshield, which they apparently left smashed on the pavement without a note.

    Sigh.

    I picked it up.

    Underneath was playa dust.

    Layers and layers of playa dust.

    Beneath that, glue.

    Of course.

    At this point, as I have said, Wanda is held together by playa dust, virtue, and my own heart, with whole sections where the original engineering surrendered years ago and I simply continued believing in her through glue and duct tape and replacement pieces and whatever somebody could rig to keep her moving.

    I stood there holding this stupid broken piece of my stupid car, looking at dust that had been sealed beneath it for years, realizing there was an entire desert hiding inside an old repair.

    Of course there was.

    Wanda has been carrying places around with her too.

    Santa Cruz, Utah, Oregon, the playa, roads I have forgotten, roads I will never forget, some of them apparently held together with super glue and dog hair.

    The college kids saw an old car.

    That is what I keep thinking about.

    They hit it, broke something and walked away because they saw an old car.

    I saw Wanda.

    I stood there in the morning holding another piece of her in my hand, knowing perfectly well that she is a car and discovering once again that knowing this is absolutely no fucking help at all.

    I could sell her.

    Someone would give me money for Wanda, probably more money than I paid for her in the first place, and God knows I could use money because who couldn’t, but each time I try to imagine assigning a number to Wanda something inside me rejects the premise.

    What is the market value of getting Buddha and Stella safely through that storm, or the resale value of all that rescued food, or the going rate for a night when somebody had nowhere warm to sleep and Wanda’s doors happened to be unlocked?

    How much is the black and yellow bin worth?

    How much for a wounded man and his wheelchair beneath a playa sky?

    What is Kevin worth?

    Stupid question.

    Exactly.

    Wanda was never really an equation.

    She arrived in my life as a magic gift, so I have decided she should leave it the same way.

    I am donating her to the Humane Society of Utah.

    The car I whispered into existence because I needed something for Buddha and Stella gets one more act of service on behalf of animals, and I would like to believe, with absolutely no evidence whatsoever, that the magic bubble transfers with the title.

    I have also written a love note and tucked it inside Wanda for whoever gets her next, because apparently simply signing over the title is not enough for me; I need whoever opens that note to know that they are climbing into something that has been deeply, ridiculously, extravagantly loved, something that carried dogs and food and children and strangers and friends and entire versions of one woman’s life across deserts and rivers and mountains and impossible snowstorms, something whose doors remained unlocked because I believed trust was worth practicing, something that has spent twenty-three years making room.

    I don’t know who will find the note or when they will find it or whether they will read it and think the woman who owned this ancient Honda before them was completely fucking insane, which is fine, because the note is not an instruction manual and it is certainly not a warranty; it is simply a little bit of love left behind in the place where I have already left so much of it, asking whoever comes next to take care of her, let her remain useful, make room when they can, and know that somewhere beneath the stickers and glue and road dirt and playa dust and tumbleweeds of dog hair there is a magic bubble.

    I thought perhaps I should tell them.

    Just in case the magic needs to know where to go next.

    I don’t know how magic works.

    There is no box on the paperwork.

    MAGIC BUBBLE:

    YES.

    NO.

    Still, I want whoever receives whatever comes next from Wanda to inherit some infinitesimal residue of Buddha and Stella and Kevin, Oregon river water and Utah snow, Bob Weir and playa dust and Love Beets and coffee spilled somewhere I never completely cleaned, all the dogs and children and boxes of rescued food and people who slept inside her, everyone frightened or happy or hungry or simply needing to get somewhere who crossed the threshold of those doors and became, however briefly, part of what Wanda carried.

    There is one more thing I am leaving inside her.

    A CD.

    You think I’m letting her go without a soundtrack?

    I have spent twenty-three years making music for the roads Wanda and I were about to travel together, for Oregon and Utah and the playa, for artists waiting in the dust and winter nights when we carried food through the city, choosing songs before I knew exactly what would happen because I always wanted the road to have a soundtrack before the story arrived.

    This time I am choosing music for a road I will not take with her.

    That is different.

    I will tuck the CD inside Wanda with the love note, and whoever comes next may find it tomorrow or six months from now or never, may understand immediately or think it is just another strange artifact left behind by the woman whose political stickers are still fading across the bumper.

    They might just throw it away. The only possible thing that stills plays a CD is Wanda’s own ancient excuse for a radio.

    But perhaps one afternoon they will be sitting inside this ridiculous square Honda wondering who the hell nakedjen was, notice the disc, slide it into the old player and press PLAY.

    I hope they do.

    The songs will never ever explain Wanda.

    They cannot.

    The music can’t preserve what is leaving.

    It cannot.

    It is more because I have spent all these years choosing songs for departure and arrival, for crossing deserts and state lines and versions of myself, and there is something I cannot bear and something I deeply love about sending Wanda into whatever comes next with music waiting inside her.

    A soundtrack for the first road without me.

    I won’t know where she is going.

    I won’t know who is driving.

    I won’t know whether there is a dog in the back or food stacked behind the seats or someone tired enough to need a safe place for the night.

    I won’t know what the weather looks like through her windshield.

    I won’t know when the song begins.

    I just want the music there.

    Waiting.

    In case somebody hits PLAY.

    Shortly, I am going back to Santa Cruz.

    Now I have Clyde.

    I need a car for Clyde.

    That sentence feels familiar.

    There will be beaches and dog parks and strangers standing around talking about dogs and weather and whatever else people talk about before they accidentally alter the course of one another’s lives, and I know perfectly well there are sensible ways to purchase automobiles involving websites and dealerships and Carfax reports and interest rates and Harry, undoubtedly, keeping a spreadsheet.

    Fine.

    I am going to try something else first.

    I am going to stand somewhere with Clyde, perhaps on a beach, perhaps in a dog park, perhaps beside someone who has absolutely no idea they are about to become part of this story, and I am going to say the thing out loud.

    I need a new car for the dog.

    The first time I said it, Kevin heard me.

    Twenty-four hours later there was Wanda, and inside Wanda there turned out to be an entire life: Buddha and Stella, California and Oregon and Utah, snowstorms and hot springs and rivers, rescued food and unlocked doors, a black and yellow bin, the Love Beets and the playa, a wheelchair beneath the stars, Bob Weir, coffee, cupcakes, grilled cheese, sunrise, Clyde, me, somehow all of us fitting inside one ridiculous square Honda.

    That was home.

    That was pure magic.

    I don’t know much, but I do know that once, standing in a dog park, I asked the universe for a car for the dogs.

    The universe answered.

    Her name was Wanda.

    Two black Labrador dogs wearing sunglasses sitting in a car.
    • Nakedjen Songs for Wanda
    • Can’t Find My Way Home — Blind Faith
    • Into the Great Wide Open — Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
    • Blue Sky — The Allman Brothers Band (live)
    • Big Yellow Taxi — Joni Mitchell
    • This Must Be the Place (Naïve Melody) — Talking Heads (live from Stop Making Sense)
    • The Weight — The Band
    • People Have the Power — Patti Smith
    • I’ll Take You There — The Staple Singers
    • Lean on Me — Bill Withers
    • Get Down on It — Kool & the Gang
    • Genius of Love — Tom Tom Club
    • Rapper’s Delight — The Sugarhill Gang
    • Celebration — Kool & the Gang
    • Burning Down the House — Talking Heads (live from Stop Making Sense)
    • Franklin’s Tower — Grateful Dead (live)
    • Good Times — Chic
    • Lovely Day — Bill Withers
    • Wildflowers — Tom Petty
    • Brokedown Palace — Grateful Dead
    • Dancing Barefoot — Patti Smith Group
    • Road to Nowhere — Talking Heads
    • Ripple — Grateful Dead

  • POOF!

    I am known, in some circles, as a fairy.
    The Beet Fairy.

    For years, Vive supplied the cold-pressed beet juice that quite literally helped keep me on this planet. Not as a luxury. Not as a lifestyle accessory. As medicine. As ritual. As one of those stitched-in things your body comes to trust before your mind has even caught up.

    This morning I was waiting for my juice delivery.

    Then it didn’t come.

    So I did what so many of us do now when something beloved suddenly slips sideways. I went looking for the answer myself. No text. No email. No little human tap on the shoulder. Just absence. A missing delivery. Then the quiet discovery that after nearly thirteen years, Vive Juicery had closed.

    That was how I found out.

    No goodbye. No handoff. No soft landing. Just poof.

    Black Lab sitting on a stool in a messy kitchen covered with beet juice bottles and vegetable scraps.
    A black lab sits calmly amidst the delightful chaos of a kitchen covered in beet juice and vegetable scraps.

    Maybe that is why it hit the bruise so directly. I am apparently still one giant exposed nerve ending over being let go from the acupuncture clinic in much the same fashion. Another Irish Goodbye. Another community I was inside of until suddenly I wasn’t. Another place where I did not get to say goodbye. Another thread cut so cleanly it somehow bled more.

    I have not recovered from that.
    Not really.
    Maybe not at all.

    I miss helping.

    I miss it with a force that startles me. I miss it in the marrow. I miss it like phantom limb pain. I miss the direct, human, ordinary holiness of being useful to another person in real time.

    Yes, I still help. I help all over the damn place. I help in line at Coffee Garden. Let me sort out the pastry case with you. Tell me what kinds of sweets you usually love. Let’s find what’s just right.

    I help at the Apple counter at Costco, explaining to a stranger that the employee doing spreadsheets, shipping, data sheets, all of that, probably does not need the spaceship. The graphics or web person absolutely does. Get the more robust machine. Get the memory. Get the AppleCare. It is a business expense anyway, right?

    I help at Warby Parker like it is my god damned job, choosing frames for a woman I have never met as though her future face is somehow my responsibility.

    I keep doing this. Everywhere. Like some feral customer service department roaming the earth in search of purpose.

    I miss people.
    I miss service.
    I miss usefulness.
    I miss the tiny spark that passes between two people when one says, “Can I help?” and the other one exhales, relieved, because the answer is yes.

    I miss the community of helping.
    I miss the rhythm of it.
    I miss the feeling that my care had somewhere to go.

    Yes, I gather signatures. Yes, I show up. Yes, I speak up for affordable housing, for democracy, for the vulnerable, against cruelty, against ICE, for all the jagged broken-hearted things that matter. I do all of that.

    This is different.

    This is the grief of not getting to be of use in the ordinary, intimate, daily ways that once shaped my life. The grief of no longer being inside the circle of care. The grief of being built to help, only to find yourself standing there with your hands still full of help, nowhere to set it down.

    So when eight little bottles of juice did not appear on my porch this morning, it was not just a delivery glitch. It was one more vanishing. One more touchstone gone quiet. One more place where continuity dissolved without a goodbye.

    That sounds dramatic, maybe. Grieving a juice company. Fine. Call me dramatic. I am not really grieving juice. I am grieving what happens when the small, reliable rituals that hold a person together simply stop speaking. I am grieving the shock of finding out that something woven into the fabric of your life has quietly slipped out of the loom. I am grieving the way endings arrive now with no witness, no handoff, no human warmth.

    This is what I keep thinking about:

    We are living in an Irish Goodbye economy.

    Businesses vanish.
    Communities vanish.
    Jobs vanish.
    People vanish.

    You are in relationship, however imperfectly, until suddenly you are not. You are of use until suddenly you are outside the door. You are waiting for the thing that has reliably arrived, until it doesn’t. Then you are left to piece together the ending by yourself like some emotional raccoon rooting around in the dark for context.

    I understand all the arguments. Protect your peace. Preserve your energy. No one owes everyone every explanation. I know. I really do. I understand that people are tired, burned out, underwater, overextended, one hard conversation away from becoming a puddle in public.

    Still.

    At what cost?

    At what cost do we keep disappearing from one another like this?

    Trust is not built in grand gestures. Trust is built in continuity. In small acknowledgments. In the dignity of a heads-up. In the simple human instinct to say: hey, this is ending. Thank you. You mattered here.

    When that does not happen, something erodes.

    Not just loyalty.
    Not just goodwill.
    Something softer. More essential.

    The belief that we are actually in this together.

    That may be why so many of us feel so untethered right now. Yes, the world is on fire. Yes, democracy feels like a folding table in a windstorm. Yes, we are out here gathering signatures, speaking up, protesting, trying to keep one another fed, sheltered, seen.

    Underneath all of that, another grief hums.

    The grief of disappearing from one another.
    The grief of institutions, workplaces, businesses, communities, all using the language of care or family or service or belonging right up until the moment they evaporate.
    The grief of no goodbye.
    The grief of no witness.
    The grief of being left holding love with nowhere to place it.

    Maybe that is why I keep helping strangers in random retail environments like a woman possessed. Maybe I am trying to stitch myself back into the human fabric one tiny interaction at a time. Maybe I am trying to prove that service still exists. That tenderness still exists. That someone can still look another person in the eye, say, “I’ve got you,” and mean it.

    I wanted my juice this morning.
    Yes.
    More than that, I wanted continuity.
    I wanted the medicine to keep medicining.
    I wanted one small beloved thing to arrive exactly as expected.
    I wanted not to lose one more thing.

    Instead, I got another lesson in impermanence. Another reminder that the world can change shape while you are standing in your Uggs on the porch.

    Thank you, Vive, for the years you nourished me.
    Thank you for the medicine when it was medicine.
    I mean that.

    This hurt.

    Deeply. Weirdly. More than I would like to admit.
    Yet not weird at all, really.

    Sometimes eight missing juice bottles are not eight missing juice bottles.

    Sometimes they are every goodbye you did not get.
    Every room that went dark without warning.
    Every place you poured your care that disappeared before you could say:

    I was here.
    I loved this.
    This mattered to me.

  • Still Here. Barely.

    I shaved my head last Monday.

    Not for fashion. Not for a dare. Not for reinvention as some shiny little brand strategy.

    I did it because my body needed a receipt.
    Because my heart kept whispering, we are letting go now, and I needed my scalp to sign the paperwork.

    Gizmo died.

    Sundance ended. Not just the festival, but the way of it here. The particular Utah snowglobe version where I knew the back hallways, the green rooms, the secret shortcuts, the faces that needed feeding, the ones that needed a tissue, the ones that needed a firm hand on the shoulder and a “drink some water, babe, I’ve got you.” Ten days of taking care of everyone… and then suddenly the lights go out and you’re standing in a quiet room full of empty chairs, holding a lanyard like it’s a relic.

    And Burning Man? I closed that chapter too. I am not going back this year. I can feel the hinge click. I can feel the door seal. I can feel the desert wind on the other side and I’m not stepping into it. I’m finished. I’m choosing something new even though I don’t yet know what “new” looks like.

    Also, because life has a sense of timing that is either comedic or cruel (or both), my credit card got compromised. So this morning I drove to the bank, bald as bald can be, and I started thinking about what it would be to make a documentary of my life.

    Not the highlight reel. Not the montage where the camera pans across costumes and concerts and glamorous chaos.

    More like… the witness list.

    Because if you really wanted to tell the story of me, you would have to find the people I have helped along the way. The ones who would say: she showed up. She filled the gap. She made it happen. She walked into the mess and started organizing the corners. She brought the water. She brought the snacks. She brought the extra phone charger, the spare hoodie, the peppermint oil, the hand on your back when you were about to fold.

    I’m the fill-in-the-blank fairy.

    Sundance Fairy.
    Fluffer Fairy.
    Share Your Sandwiches Fairy.
    Missing-person search Fairy.
    “Let me just handle it” Fairy.
    “Here, eat something” Fairy.
    “Breathe with me” Fairy.

    And I never, ever, ever accept payment. I have built an entire life on the belief that if I keep giving, the universe will keep providing, and maddeningly… it does. It really does. Doors open. Tables appear. Someone hands me exactly what I need right when my hands are empty.

    I’ve trusted that so hard that it became my religion.

    Even back on Grateful Dead tour, even in those long-ago days when everything was loud and wild and starry and half-improvised, I was still taking care of people. I made Clyde’s Cookies on tour, vegan, organic chocolate chip cookies, because I needed a way to support myself, yes, but also because it was a survival mechanism. A nervous system strategy. A way to stay steady in the swirl. A way to love people and the planet at the same time. Those cookies ended up in cafés all over Santa Cruz even when the Dead weren’t touring. Little brown-sugar love letters in a world that moves too fast.

    I have been in service most of my life. I don’t say that with a halo. I say it with the honesty of someone who knows service can be both medicine and the perfect hiding place.

    Because here’s the part I’m trying to tell the truth about:

    Right now, I feel broken.

    Like… really broken.

    Not “I’m having a hard day” broken. Not “I just need a bath and a nap” broken.

    More like: I cry over silly things. A song lyric. A dog on a porch. A stranger’s hands. The way light hits a kitchen counter. I cry because my heart is full of endings and my body doesn’t know where to put them. I cry because I can’t fix any of the big things right now, and I am a person who has built a whole identity around fixing. I just can’t seem to find the Nakedjen superglue AND the duct tape.

    The world is hurting. It really and truly is. There is a real revolution happening and I am paying attention. I am not looking away. I can feel the instability in the air like static. I can feel the grief in the streets. I can feel the fear. I can feel the fire. Sometimes it feels like the whole planet is holding its breath, waiting to see who will choose cruelty and who will choose care.

    I want to be the person who chooses care.

    I am still that person.

    I’m just… shaky.

    I’m alive, but barely. Tender as an overcooked beet. Raw in a way that surprises me. Not numb, not detached, not checked out.

    Just open. Too open. All nerve endings.

    So this is me, leaving a little note on the community bulletin board of the internet:

    Hi. It’s Nakedjen.
    My head is bald. My heart is bruised. I’m still here.
    I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I know something is happening in me. Something is changing shape.

    If you’re reading this and you’re also crying in grocery store aisles, or feeling oddly fragile in the parking lot, or standing in the doorway of your own endings… come sit by me.

    No fixing required.

    Just the quiet promise that we are not alone in this, even when we feel like cracked glass.

    And if the universe has been kind enough to keep meeting me in the moments when I’m empty, then maybe it will meet me here too.

    Maybe it will meet all of us here.

    One breath at a time.

  • Badump. Badump.

    Tomorrow is my birthday.


    I’ll be 62.


    And yes, it is also my father’s birthday.


    Ironically.
    Not ironically.
    Kismet.
    Habit.


    A cosmic joke we’ve both been in on since the first day I opened my lungs and learned the sound of his name.


    It is all I’ve ever known, sharing a birthday with a man like him.
    And this year, as we all know, the birthday came with teeth.This year was very difficult for both of us.
    Me and my father.
    Two birthdays. One weather system. Climate change is absolutely real.


    He almost died while I was sitting in Bali, on the other side of the world. I was waking up to roosters and temple smoke and offerings arranged like tiny prayers in palm-leaf trays. He was intubated in a hospital outside Baltimore, tethered to machines, his breath being borrowed. I was on the phone with my sisters doing the sacred arithmetic of panic: the shoulds and coulds and woulds.


    Then I made a decision that still feels like the only one I could make.


    I decided to live my life way out loud.


    I decided to wake each morning and bow and pray to the Bali gods and goddesses in the best way I have been taught. I decided to place my hands on my own chest and hold my father’s heart in mine like it was an instrument I could keep tuned through devotion.


    Because his heart is my own.
    Let’s be honest.


    I am not being poetic. I am being literal in the only language my body trusts.
    Isn’t that what we do, ultimately?


    We keep each other’s hearts beating. No matter where we are.
    Isn’t that what love is?
    One beat here. One beat there.
    One beat in this chest answering a beat in that chest.
    Call and response.
    A long-distance holy communion. Take this beat. I’ll give you mine.

    I can feel it even now.


    His heart has a way of announcing itself.
    Sometimes it wakes me up in the middle of the night like a knock at the door. Sometimes I stop short in the middle of a busy intersection and forget the world has cars. Sometimes I stop dancing and just stare off into space because the beating gets so loud I have to listen.
    Sometimes I have to just stop.
    Because the beat is bigger than the moment I’m in.

    Badump. Badump. Badump. Wait for it….Badump.
    One beat here.
    One beat there.
    Way over there.
    Wherever he is.


    It isn’t easy sharing a birthday with a man who lives his life so loudly, so gregariously, so unapologetically. A man who has always taken up space as if space was created specifically to be taken up. A man who can turn a room into a story just by walking into it with that half-cocked grin.


    The encyclopedia could probably use his photograph, worn and tattered and sepia toned, under the definition of: life lived beyond the edges. Full of hell. Full of laughter. Full of trouble. Full of impossible charm.

    Close-up selfie of an older man in glasses smiling beside a woman smiling, both leaning into the frame.

    This little nut did not fall far from that tree.


    This is the part where I refuse to make myself small.
    Because tomorrow is not just my father’s birthday.
    It is mine, too.


    I made it to 62.


    I made it here with my own two feet and my off-key singing and my insistence on showing up again and again and again. I made it here with love in my fists. I made it here with my heart out where people can see it, which is a dangerous way to live, but it is the only way I know. I walk into the fire, never away from it.


    I have marched.
    I have fussed.
    I have fought for what’s right.
    I have loved people so hard it felt like my ribs were going to crack open and let the light out.
    I am still here.


    So, Albert. Happy birthday to you, you CRAZY (all caps) beautiful human.
    I mean it with all the love. With all the heartbeats. Every single one. Mine, too. Badump!

    Here we are again, for another spin around the sun.

    I can’t even believe it.
    I really am so grateful.

    Two birthdays.
    One world.
    Two wild hearts.
    One echo.

    Tomorrow, if you’re reading this, pause for a second.
    Put your hand on your chest.
    Feel your own drum.
    Notice the beat that has carried you through every single thing you thought might take you out.

    Then go live your life out loud.
    Keep someone’s heart beating, if you can.
    Let them keep yours.
    One beat here. One beat there.
    Badump.


    xo
    Nakedjen

    P.S. Why today? Because Sundance. It’s basically my birthday party, my church, and my annual emotional car wash. I’m volunteering (!!!) and will be in Park City for the duration starting today, so I’m kicking the celebration off early and holding the bittersweet right alongside the glitter.

  • Her Name Was Renee Nicole Good

    Her Name Was Renee Nicole Good

    This Did Not Have to Happen

    (and this is where I am placing my attention today)

    Her name was Renee Nicole Good.

    She was a prize-winning poet.
    A legal observer.
    A woman who spent her life taking care of other people.

    Yesterday, she was killed while doing exactly that.

    She was not armed.
    She was not threatening anyone.
    She was not looking for a fight.

    She was there to witness. To observe. To make sure that what was happening was seen and recorded and not erased. She was doing the quiet work that keeps the rest of us honest. The kind of work that rarely gets thanked and too often gets punished.

    This did not have to happen.

    I can’t stop thinking about how familiar she feels to me. A good life, but a hard one. A person who stayed tender in a world that rewards armor. Someone who showed up, again and again, even when it cost her something. Especially when it cost her something.

    We are living in a time when violence feels ambient. Like weather. Like background noise. It seeps into places that are supposed to be safe. Churches. Schools. Sidewalks. Courtrooms. Places of worship. Places of care.

    And our nervous systems are wrecked by it.

    If you feel jumpy, exhausted, angry, numb, or scared, you are not broken. You are responding appropriately to a world that keeps asking us to metabolize the unbearable and then move on as if nothing happened.

    What makes this loss so heavy is not just that Renee is gone. It’s that we’ve been taught to accept this as normal. To respond with sorrow but not with change. To call it a tragedy instead of naming it for what it is: the foreseeable result of choices we keep making.

    This is not about politics.
    It’s about how we value human life.

    It’s about whether we are willing to protect the people who show up with notebooks instead of weapons. Whether we believe that witnessing, caregiving, and accountability deserve safety. Whether we are brave enough to say, out loud, that this way of living is not okay.

    Renee was not reckless.
    She was not naïve.
    She was not trying to be a symbol.

    She was doing her job.
    She was doing her calling.
    And she should be alive today.

    So here is my very human, very non-partisan ask:

    Slow down.
    Pay attention.
    Refuse to normalize what is breaking us.

    Talk to your people.
    Check on your neighbors.
    Support the caregivers, the observers, the poets, the ones who show up with open hands instead of clenched fists. Choose de-escalation when you can. Choose care when it’s available. Choose to notice.

    This is where my Love Is Still Beating practice comes in.

    Every day, I’m committing to naming ten real, verifiable good things that happened in the last 24 hours. Not to deny the grief. Not to look away from the fire. But to remember that love is still moving through us, even now. Especially now.

    Today, one of those ten is this:
    People like Renee exist.
    And they matter.

    Say her name.
    Honor her life by refusing to accept her death as inevitable.
    Let your heart stay open, even when it hurts.

    This did not have to happen.
    And we are allowed to demand a world where it doesn’t keep happening.

    **********

    Here’s what you can do, today:

    Pause before you scroll.
    Check on someone you love.
    Offer steadiness instead of outrage.
    Support people who choose care over force.
    Pay attention to what keeps your heart open.

    This is how we push back against a culture of violence.
    One regulated nervous system at a time.